took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have fence marks all over my body
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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