I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
