Pappa wants mamma naked
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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