i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
