Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
