Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
why do cheetos always look like penises
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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