I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
