I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
