My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
how does that bad decision feel?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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