Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
