508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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