party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
