well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
