I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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