hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
