That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
