So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize