Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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