you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
