Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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