either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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