If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
