I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
