The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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