I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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