Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
