there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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