So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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