i permit you to call me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
