He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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