Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
