The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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