I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
