I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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