we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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