i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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