I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
