Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
