Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
