do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
