i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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