Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is Oprah even human
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
