i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
