winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
