So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
vagina is talking i cant
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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