His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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