so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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