The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
