I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize