i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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