i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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