Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
