Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
