Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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