everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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