Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize