I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
