Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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