I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize