So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
