everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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