I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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