my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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