It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
