I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
