just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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