We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I heard we made out
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
