I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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