he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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