Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
