porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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