I'm going to jail i love you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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