Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
