Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
