i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
