i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
