Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
