yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
